Baby Showers are the Absolute Worst | Baby Shower

Mar 25, 2016 by

Baby Showers are the Absolute Worst | Baby Shower

I know I shouldn’t compare apples and oranges, but it’s really hard to restrain when the bellies of all my closest friends are starting to take the shape of the aforementioned fruit, meanwhile we are still over here TTC.

 

Did you know there’s such a thing as pregnancy envy? How ridiculous. This isn’t a competition, but sometimes we allow ourselves to feel that way.  There is quite literally a constant stream of pregnancies around me, it starts to eat away ,a little, at my resolve to be positive about this whole thing. I know I am not the only woman in the world to be waiting on motherhood. I know I am not alone in this. However sometimes it’s hard to ignore the hurtful comments. It’s hard to ignore the fact that I am quite quickly running out of magnets for the fridge what with all the pastel colored baby announcements I have to hang up to torture myself with.

That being said, I went to a baby shower this weekend. The Mom-to-be is a coworker of mine, whom I adore. I know that she too had some struggles on the path to pregnancy and I am super excited for her. (It should be noted that I would attend 100 torturous baby showers to celebrate her and her pregnancy. ) I also appreciate her shower was on a Sunday, and not on Saturday, thus not ruining the entirety of my weekend… The shower itself was pretty and sweet. It might have been fine even, it I were able to join the ranks of women with children, or had a battle story of my own to share, but instead I found myself surrounded by tales of woe, destruction and horror. Not only was this incredibly depressing, but it also spurred the twinges of jealousy. Things started floating through my mind like: How dare they complain like that? I’d be so happy to have those problems. Although, actually bloated feet and a torn, unrecognizable vagina are not actually on my top ten things to do list…Baby Showers

I’m sure when I do become pregnant I will want to complain too. I’m sure it will be freaking awful and I will be a hot mess.  I know that pregnancy and new motherhood is probably both a difficult experience as well as a blessing, and I also know those gals meant no ill will… but I still left the shower in a state of unease. Feeling both jealous and sad. I hope I will remember in the future when I am actually a mom, that detailing my birth story in excruciating detail will scar the single girls and the childless for life.

I should have known better of course, and been prepared. Everyone knows that attending a baby shower puts you in the midst of a conversation that will inevitably circle around babies and parenting for the better part of two hours. It shouldn’t have surprised me, and the truth is, if I had thought it through a little better I might have even declined the invitation and just sent a gift. If I had thought it through I would have realized that attending a baby shower would be emotional Armageddon. If I had thought it through I would have had a few cocktails first… If I had thought it through I would have remembered that at the heart of the matter,  I hate baby showers anyway.

Like I hate, hate them. I hate that there is no alcohol present (I know we are celebrating a pregnant woman here, but still the rest of us shouldn’t have to endure party games without a beer in hand). (**side note: when I do become pregnant and someone decides to throw me a shower, please remember the non-pregnant are enduring the shower and serve them a cocktail or two.) I hate that there are party games to play at all. I hate that in order to purchase a worthwhile baby gift I have to spend shit tons of money on a gadget that I don’t actually know what it’s used for, or be the asshole that buys baby washcloths and a onesie they will outgrow before they wear.

Next time, I will go for a moment. Hug the soon-to-be-momma fiercely, tell her how genuinely happy for her I am. I will eat cake, I will leave my obligatory gift, and then I will make an excuse involving a gastrointestinal emergency related to my lactose intolerance (believable) and head for the door.

Because I am excited for her. And for my other co-workers, and two of my best friends, and my sister, and my dental hygienist, and the girl down the street, but I don’t want to have to wallow in your ever enlarging shadow while I binge eat cake with pink and blue frosting.

Binge eating pink cake, and other reasons I hate baby showers. #fertility #babies Click To Tweet

29 Comments

  1. I can see why attending a baby shower might cause pain and envy in someone who is trying to conceive, or having fertility issues, or someone who really wants to get married and have kids. I hope that time will come for those women too.

  2. I know what you mean about pregnancy envy. When all my friends were having babies I was bummed I wasn’t one of them. I knew my time would come and would come when it was right for me and my husband and not when it was right for all of them but it was still hard to not be pregnant and going through the same things as them at the same time. Now they’re already on round #2!

    I’ve never been to a dry baby shower, all my friends have had bubbles present for all their non-pregnant or non-breastfeeding friends so thats been great and I think it’s a must! 😉

    xo, Laura

  3. I can see how that could be difficult to attend. The last baby shower I was at I really enjoyed actually, because they didn’t do any of those silly games. Just a nice dinner with friends and family and opening presents.

  4. I’m not sure I’ve ever attended an actual baby shower. None of my close friends have kids yet. I can see why, in your current situation, that would be difficult. I totally agree with you on the alcohol thing! There should be no reason not to serve alcohol for the guests. It is a celebration, right?

  5. Girl I feel you. When I see anybody anymore they don’t ask about how me or my husband are doing. They inquire about my uterus and how we’ve been together for seven years and don’t have kids yet. I tell them how we’re starting our own business and traveling the world but all they seem to care about is babies. For a while now I’ve been leaving showers early saying I have another event to go to because I can’t take it! Hang in there and know you’re not alone.

    Greta | http://www.gretahollar.com

  6. Molly, I too am not a fan of baby showers, or any shower for that matter. I hate the games, I hate the uncomfortable conversations (“When are you getting engaged/married?”, “Now that you’re married when are you buying a house/going to have a baby?”, and so on and so forth), and I hate feeling obliged.
    While I generally adore the people these celebrations are being thrown for, it doesn’t change the fact that they’re awkward situations.

    The other thing I hate, and I probably hate this the most, is the expectation that as someone who is engaged/pregnant will even have a shower. Truth is, I’m currently

    weeks pregnant. I could not decide for the life of me whether or not I wanted a shower. I hate being the centre of attention, I didn’t want family and friends to feel obligated, and I certainly didn’t want them to feel awkward. I was having anxiety attacks over whether or not to have something. The idea of a room filled with women potentially cooing over the course of a few hours also scares me. And the other deciding factor is that it takes two to make a baby, so why should the dad to be miss out on everything?
    In the end, we have decided to have a baby-q. We’re inviting women, men, and children. My SIL wanted to organise some games, but instead of the cheesy ones usually done, I’ve asked for more inclusive activities that will provide us with keepsakes for our baby (alphabet cards, a memory capsule thing, stuff that is purposeful). There won’t be any gender coloured food or décor, there will be regular food and drinks (including booze) as well as pregnant-safe stuff, and it’s a Sunday arvo lunchtime thing.

    Next time you find yourself laden with pastel coloured “Here comes baby” stuff all over your fridge, remember that it’s so very okay for you to feel the way you do and to decline the invitation, or if you do want to go, rock up half way to being three sheets to the wind.

    • Hollie, You and I are going to be great friends. I LOVE the idea of a BABY-Q! How awesome! That still allows all your loved ones to buy your wee one some cute things, and allows you to celebrate with your hubby! What a great idea. I too hate the awkwardness that goes along with having a shower, I felt that way about our wedding shower too!

  7. I actually love baby showers, even though my husband and I have been able to have a baby yet. I made a choice in my early teens that if there was one emotion I would choose not to have, no matter what, it was jealousy. I’m in the ‘habit’ of not being jealous, and I know by faith I can experience both infertility and normal joy and happiness at the coming of babies into the world.
    Also…I just like parties. I love buying baby gifts, though I usually go off-registry and try to get something unique that fits the family–like “John Deere” bibs for my baby cousins in my ultra-John Deere fanatic families. 😛 Since I don’t have a baby I love having an excuse to buy baby stuff! I like party games and meeting random people and eating food I didn’t have to cook…and I don’t drink alcohol, so that’s a non-issue. Parties where hosts are always trying to force a glass of wine on me are way more awkward.
    I think it’s really good to know yourself, and to know that you don’t like baby showers, so that you can choose not to come if it’s just not worth it for that specific event…or ‘grin and bear it’ if it is worth it.

    • I wish I liked them! I really do! I am a bit socially awkward though, so parties with strangers are usually not up my alley anyway. Add to that the baby nonsense and it totally freaks me out. I love what a positive attitude you have though! Hahah I can definitely relate to eating food I don’t have to cook though. You are right about that, party food does make me happy!

  8. Chandler @ Life as a Larsen

    This post makes me laugh because I have totally been there. My husband and I didn’t have the easiest time getting pregnant and even though it could have been worse I often found myself jealous. Now that we are pregnant I still find myself jealous though. I feel like since announcing we are pregnant people immediately forget our journey and lose their sense of sensitivity. So comments like “First times the charm” etc. still hurt. Also I have a ridiculous amount of friends who are pregnant right now (all farther along than me) and I can’t help but feel a little resentment towards them. It’s really weird and I know I shouldn’t complain because we are so excited for our little one but in today’s world it is hard not to compare and be reminded of how someone is supposedly “always better than me”. Sorry for the rant, hope it makes sense haha

    • I totally relate. No one ever warns us when we’re little girls that these things will be an issue! uts so frustrating! And rant away my friend- I’ll always listen!

  9. Angie Scheie

    Amen, I hear you! We are on the 3rd year of our fertility struggles and at this point most of our friends are on their second baby, so at least the showers have died down a little. It’s so hard. I REALLY try to just be happy for them but there are those occasional events where you just have to cry on the way home :(.
    It will happen for us!

    • Oh man! Hugs and prayers to you! It certainly will happen for us and there is nothing wrong with a quick cry session in the car!

  10. I’m

    and only one of my semi close friends has had a baby shower and right now I am not ready for children just yet so I haven’t really experienced anything like this yet but I can only imagine how difficult it might be. I am getting married this fall and people are already inquiring about when we will be having a baby and I am sure it will only get worse.

    xoxo, Jenny

    • Just try to remember that those people have good intentions! Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!!

  11. I’m

    and only one of my semi close friends has had a baby shower and right now I am not ready for children just yet so I haven’t really experienced anything like this yet but I can only imagine how difficult it might be. I am getting married this fall and people are already inquiring about when we will be having a baby and I am sure it will only get worse.

    xoxo, Jenny

  12. I can’t relate to a post more than this one. Back in the Summer of 2015, my husband and I were invited to our friend’s baby shower. I was pregnant at the time as well, so I didn’t mind going. I ended up having a missed miscarriage and didn’t want to go at all, but our friend was mad with us not wanting to go. So very reluctantly, we went, all while my child was still inside of me waiting to miscarry. It was one of the worst days I had to go through because not only was she pregnant, there were two other very pregnant women there, and all three of them smoked the entire time. It made me angry, sad and feeling like life was unfair. We’re no longer friends with the people who the shower was for for other reasons, but looking back, I wish we would’ve not gone.

    • I’m so sorry for your loss. That must have been extremely difficult! Missed miscarriage is such a horrible event to go through anyway, the waiting is excruciating. I can’t imaging having to attend a baby shower on top of that. Sometimes things seem so unfair!

  13. God I remember this time! It’s so hard when you wanna be pregnant and all you see are pregnant women everywhere! Your friends start popping them out and without realising it you feel really bad for hating them but really sad it’s not your turn!
    It took us over a year to full preg with no1. We did everything to get there and the one month we stopped trying (we went on hols in NYC and couldn’t see the point in tracking ovulation in a different time zone) low and behold we found out it happened a month later. Was it coz we chilled out? I don’t know, could have been a number of reasons. I really feel your pain though.
    Anyway great article! Can’t wait to read more x

  14. I love your sense of humor! 🙂
    Some of my favorite showers had no games, just visiting. It also had spiked punch for the guests. 😉

  15. Hil

    So many yes’s!! You are happy of course, but ugh, it’s awful. So sad and depressing when you want it so bad and it is totally out of your control. I feel for you and so many others I know who went/are going through this. I love how you acknowledge the “asshat” gift, too funny! But, not everyone gets that, a friend of mine got over

    washclothes given to get at showers, I did not get a single one and had to go buy a lot! So you never know, but again, I know not the point of the post. I am sorry for you going through this and sending sticky baby dust your way in the hopes that your time comes sooner rather than later. Your friends are lucky to have such a supportive friend even when it is so painful for you.

    Please come link this up at #bloggerspotlight, this is a great post and people should know more about it!

    http://www.raisingfairiesandknights.com/bloggers-spotlight-link-pin-party-16/

    • My best girlfriend actually just called me to say “I have to disagree with everything you said about baby showers, and also you NEED the boring gifts like sheets and washcloths!” hahaha.

  16. Yeeeeeessssssssss! We’ll have a party when we finally have a baby, but no baby games and there will be real food and alcohol!

  17. My heart does go out for you, because it must be quite hard to attend a baby shower while TTC. I have never been a fan of any type of shower, either. & since we all seem to hate the games, why do we still do them?! Everyone I talk to about showers can’t stand when it’s game time. At my showers, we had a few place marker prizes and that was it! Come, eat the food, bring a gift, get on with your lives. That’s how it should be. And don’t worry, one day it will be your shower, with your belly, and your tired/achy body put on display 🙂

  18. Thankfully I haven’t been to any showers yet as it is not a norm here.but really developed bad taste after reading this.

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