Words are Hard. (And other reasons I’m a bad communicator)

Apr 23, 2015 by

Words are Hard. (And other reasons I’m a bad communicator)

Right now, right this minute I am struggling with communicating my feelings. I’m having a hard time putting into words how I feel about this military life we lead. I’ve mentioned before that I have come to identify myself as a military wife….and the idea of not being one is a little bit daunting. Who will I be if I can no longer be my flag waving, patriotic, self-sacrificing self?

There are so many things I wish I could tell my husband about how I’m feeling that I can’t really put into words. Even if I were to try, I’m afraid he wouldn’t understand where my heart is in this. if I can’t understand it, how could I ever expect him to? Every time I try to bring it up it winds up sounding something like. “Ugh! I hate everything… wanna make out?”

Why is communication so difficult in our relationship? In any relationship?

Because we are not mind readers. I forget that sometimes. After several years of marriage I expect him to just “get me” a little bit more than is reasonable. Then, I find myself wondering if what I’m feeling is the same as what he is feeling but neither of us can figure out how to express ourselves.

 

How to listen to your spouse |What God says about Communication | www.lovetheeveryday,comI think the major issue is that I don’t try to talk about just one problem at a time. When I think about making a plan for hubby’s career, I also start to think about my career, our home, our family, our plans for the future, moving, friendships lost or gained, traveling, vacation plans, retirement savings, health insurance, if double-stuff Oreos actually are double stuffed, and so on. I can’t focus on just one issue at a time. I am not a good multi-tasker. If too many things are going on in my brain I’m likely to miss important details. Details that might sway the situation in one way or another… I am also likely to explode.I am also likely to explode. Click To Tweet

So the things I am discovering are:

  1. One major decision or conversation at a time.
  2. Speak with Love
  3. Be Quiet and Listen

I’m also getting to the point where it is possible that maybe, (just maybe) I am getting frustrated with my hubby over his indecisiveness. I have to learn that whatever I say to him needs to be said with love. I feel like I need to pray for guidance in choosing my words carefully because I don’t want to sound like I am being an irrational bitch   selfish in speaking to him about this.

Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. Ephesians 4:15

 

Lastly, I don’t feel like he is listening to me, I mean really listening. Of course, I don’t know what I’m saying either, but that’s not really the point here.I recognize that listening is a two way street, but he’s pretty craptastic at it.

I just want him to sit down and listen to my convoluted views and opinions without saying anything until I’m finished. Why is that so difficult for men? He typically wants to reason everything out with logic and solutions. I don’t want solutions, I just want him to listen. In turn, I know that I need to be able to hear him out as well without reacting. (Is eye rolling a reaction?)

I don’t want solutions, I just want him to listen. Click To Tweet

In James 1:19 we are reminded___my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

So while my brain is doing this:

“Get out of the army now!” , “Stay in the army forever!” ,”Who will pay the bills while you look for a job?” , “How awesome it would be if you were home for the holidays!”

My heart is doing this:

“Hear me, please just hear me.”

Now…If I could just figure out what to say.

How to Communicate| What the Bible says about COMMUNICATION | www.lovetheeveryday.com

 

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