I still say “F” as in Frank and other military mistakes…

Feb 2, 2015 by

I still say “F” as in Frank and other military mistakes…

F as in frank:  Military Mistakes      www.lovetheeveryday.comI wandered around my house in a blind haze of worry. Like seriously, everything I thought about gave me a twinge of panic, and yet I couldn’t focus on a single thing. I was like a dog who saw a squirrel. (In my house, we turn that into a verb: “You’re squirreling dear. Focus!”) But I couldn’t focus because I was waiting for my husband to return from his latest deployment. The dishes weren’t done, but I couldn’t focus long enough to let the water get hot. The laundry wasn’t put away, but my brain wouldn’t even settle down to let me match socks.

When I say waiting, I don’t mean the waiting that happens on Day 3 of a 6 month trip. By waiting I mean those last excruciating hours when you know they have landed, and are unpacking on post and you just desperately want to barge in there and demand to see your spouse…. Waiting. And trying not to be crazy…because you don’t want to be one of those women.

You know the ones. The ones that get publicly mocked. The ones with the big signs, and the red white and blue dresses and the bright lipstick who run and jump into their husband’s arms.

Wait.

I want to be one of those women. I want to be the one on the sappy YouTube video sobbing and hugging my husband because this military life stuff is hard and I deserve that moment. We all deserve that moment and if I want to hold a big ol’ sign that says “I love my soldier”, than darn it, I should be able to and not feel shamed because of it.


We should celebrate our achievements, and our strengths.


 

So why does everyone make that seem so silly?

I’m still very new at this and yet I often find myself afraid to admit that. I don’t get all the jargon. I don’t know the appropriate terms for which color camo which guys wear, or the difference between Class As and Dress Blues, and I think there are some Dress Greens in there too, (or are those gone now?) I stumble my way through Tricare (who do I submit paperwork to and when?) and still can’t successfully shop at the commissary. (What day is the best to go? And tell me again how coupons work there? Why are the lines always so long?) The PX confuses me beyond measure. I forget to ask for a military discount when I shop off post, and I’m often so brain-dead that when someone asks me what my husband’s job is I often stumble through the explanation with some combination of accuracy and sarcasm “My husband is a ninja” is often my go-to. Much to my hubby’s dismay when I’m spelling things over the phone I still say: “F” as in Frank, “D” as in Dog. No matter how many times he whispers FOXTROT and DELTA in the background. I cannot tell you the title and ranks of the people I know are his superiors and I forget the names of the wives of all his friends, often resorting to calling them simply their last names as that’s how they are referred to always in our home.

The worst part is: I can’t figure out who to ask. The women who I often come in contact with thrive on the missteps of others and gossip runs unchecked. They terrify me.


If our men  will take a bullet for one another, then why can’t we, as wives, support each other on the home front? They form a brotherhood, we form a battle ground. And I don’t understand.


So in those moments of waiting, when I can’t think straight and pace around my house trying to figure out if what I’m wearing is appropriate to pick my husband up in, I wish that just for a moment another spouse would call me and tell me that everything is alright. That my jeans and t-shirt are fine, and if I wanted to wear a shirt that screamed “Army Strong” then that would be alright too, and that maybe even, she would come over for a glass of wine and we could wait side by side, because we really are all in this together.

Interested in reading more about mil spouses supporting one another? Check out what’s going on over at The Military Wife Life and other spouses’ views on why people have termed many Mil Spouses DEPENDAPOTAMUS

16 Comments

  1. Oh girl, reading this I felt like I was reading something I wrote! I struggle with so many of these on a daily basis and to be honest I don’t think I’ll ever be that “perfect milso” or that any of us should be. Just be you!! Visiting from the Military Wife Life linkup.

  2. Jo

    I was TOTALLY one of the girls with a sign… and… NO ONE ELSE HAD ONE AT HOMECOMING. Whoops. I was initially embarrassed and then I wasn’t– after all, no one had included me in any FRG meetings (I was a fiance at the time) and no one had even bothered to tell my friend (who was married to someone who was coming home too) and I that the plane had landed. Plus, John loved the sign. And if it made him happy, then I wasn’t going to be embarrassed about it. After all, that’s all that matters, right? 🙂

    Thanks for linking up with us!!

    • 🙂 If I wanna hire a sky-writer to announce to the world that my hubby is the best, then I feel I should be entitled to do that! You rock that sign with honor!

  3. Molly, this is an awesome story. I adore this part, “I wish that just for a moment another spouse would call me and tell me that everything is alright. That my jeans and t-shirt are fine, and if I wanted to wear a shirt that screamed “Army Strong” then that would be alright too, and that maybe even, she would come over for a glass of wine and we could wait side by side, because we really are all in this together.” Totally spot on. I think many spouses feel that exact same way! I think we are all just dying for someone to seek out our friendship and tag team this military life thing! Thanks so much for linking up with us. Love it.

  4. Thank you for writing such a heart-felt post that so many of us military spouses can relate to! After

    years (3 of those married) I still feel like this so many days! I tease my husband that I’m a civilian stuck in a military spouse’s body… because I can never remember the military acronyms or language or ranks or protocols. I do know a lot more about aircraft than I ever wanted to and my husband has more trouble with my health care profession’s acronyms than I do with his career’s acronyms. But no one is giving him a hard time. 😉 lol.

    I’m glad I came across your blog via the link-up. I’m looking forward to following your journey! 🙂

    • haha, my mother is a nurse and I can’t count the number of times I’ve had to ask her to repeat herself in English please! 🙂

  5. “If our men will take a bullet for one another, then why can’t we, as wives, support each other on the home front? They form a brotherhood, we form a battle ground. And I don’t understand.”

    I don’t think I’ve ever heard it worded more perfectly! Sharing right now!

    • Thanks Jodi! Women have a horrible habit of tearing each other down instead of building each other up.

  6. “My husband is a ninja.” Brilliant!

  7. Molly, I am newer to your blog. I read this yesterday and wanted to come back and comment. I love your honesty and a glimpse into just wanting to be you. This:

    “If our men will take a bullet for one another, then why can’t we, as wives, support each other on the home front? They form a brotherhood, we form a battle ground. And I don’t understand.”

    I absolutely love it. I will be sharing. So nice to “meet” you.

    • Oh thanks Heather! I really appreciate that! I’m new to this military life and it really is astounding how the women at home really lack in ability to support one another. I’m glad you stopped by and I can’t wait to get to know more about you as well!

  8. Beautiful. Simply beautiful. You’re so right about us all being in this together, and us military wives SHOULD be supporting each other–not gossiping about each other.

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