Marriage Myths: Things we’ve learned about marriage from being married

Jul 29, 2015 by

Marriage Myths: Things we’ve learned about marriage from being married

When I was a child my only concept of marriage came from Disney movies. I was convinced that a Cinderella story was most definitely in my future, glass slippers optional. Being an only child of a single parent I had no idea what marriage actually looked like and was used to seeing my extremely capable mother just do everything herself.

Fast forward to my 25-year old self. I was at the tail end of an eleven-year relationship that was not leading to marriage. My ideas about what marriage and life as an adult should be were starting to crumble and I was extremely discouraged. Even though he was an incredible guy, I was not clear about what our expectations for the relationship were. I was unhappy, and had resorted to giving my boyfriend ultimatums regarding our relationship and our future…. Ultimatums that he did not follow through on, and which left me single and moving back in with my mother.3 Things we learn about marriage from being married  | www.lovetheeveryday.com

I had, as many little girls do, imagined a life with my future husband. I had dreams of a white picket fence and a pretty little yard that my husband would mow on Saturday mornings. I supposed that I would become a good cook and keep my house clean, all while working full-time and raising well-behaved children.

Now, as a newlywed my perceptions of marriage have changed again. Click To Tweet Especially as a military spouse, where my husband was gone for more than half of our first year of marriage…and I find myself wondering what have I learned in my first year of marriage about what a marriage REALLY is? What have other people learned? So I went to the experts, and polled my married, Christian friends to see what inspiration and advice I could glean from them. **some names have been changed to protect the husbands of these fantastic ladies**


 

Marriage Myths: Things we’ve learned about marriage from being married.

 Myth #1: HE WILL ALWAYS KISS ME GOODNIGHT. (and we will have a beautifully painted little sign above the bed declaring it so).

 I really expected this one to be true, and then…. I married a soldier which means many nights I share the bed with just my two dogs. But even without the kisses good night I have learned, and so have all these other gals, that this is not the most important part. I also thought we would never go to bed angry…. The reality is that 2am is not the best time to sort out our feelings. (I may be a tiny bit irrational when I’m sleepy).

 

“If I can get him to not fart in the bed, then I consider that a win!” –Courtney S.

“I thought we’d kiss each other goodnight every night and morning. Reality is one of us falls asleep with the kids or on the couch. After marriage you learn that love looks different, I don’t need flowers, when he cleans the bathroom I love him even more. “ –Kim G.

“I think if I’m not snoring, he likes that just as much as kisses goodnight, maybe more.” –Liv G.

“He’s been deployed for 6 months (at least) of every year of our marriage so far…it makes me really appreciate those nights when he can kiss me goodnight. Heck, I even appreciate the nights he’s home to fight with me before bed. You learn to value the good moments, but even the not so good moments too.” –Sarah M.

3 Things we learn about marriage from being married  | www.lovetheeveryday.com

Myth #2: I WILL HAVE THE BEST MARRIAGE EVER and effortlessly live happily ever after with Prince Charming.

When I reconnected with my husband after we had been out of college for several years, I had this moment where I just KNEW I would marry this man. It was straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel…I started dreaming about how awesome we would be and never, ever thought about the moments when life maybe wouldn’t be so awesome. I never thought about how we would handle life’s hurdles, and had I, I probably would have assumed that we would just gracefully conquer anything life threw our way.

“Before the wedding I thought I had it all planned out, and then life happened.” –Kim G.

“I knew marriage would be hard and wonderful and totally something God would use. But in real (life) it is really hard to let your husband fail, or mess up so that the holy spirit can show him things and God can teach him things. It is much easier to jump in (to help) and play that role, but that is not how God designed it to work.” –Katie L.

“After my niece passed away it seemed like our family and our marriage was hit with one bad thing after another. A snowball effect. It was really hard for me to allow my husband to try to comfort me… I had never thought about that before. I guess I imagined that if he just brought home flowers or a bottle of wine that everything would feel fine.” –Sarah M.

“Oh gosh, we fight all. the. time….. but that means we get to make up all the time too.” –Courtney S.

 

Myth #3: MY SPOUSE IS MY ONE TRUE LOVE AND THUS WILL ALWAYS KNOW WHAT TO DO OR SAY TO MAKE ME HAPPY.

Fact: My husband is not a mind reader…drats. I’ve had a tough time with this one, communication is not my strong suit. But I’m getting better, and it’s good to know I’m not the only one.

“One of the hardest things for me to do as a newlywed, ok, and still now, is realize that I have to tell ________ what I want, what I think, what I need from him. I had this idea that if I had to tell him to do it then it didn’t mean as much.” – Courtney S.

“Communication is hard. Like…. Hard hard.” –Sarah M.

“Sometimes its hard to remember that guys are just different from girls. He doesn’t always know the right thing to say and there are some things he can just never understand. I think the important part is realizing that early on in the relationship.” –Liv G.

 

So what’s the take away from all of this? What have all these ladies and I learned about marriage from being married? What’s the best part?

Me? I have learned that one person cannot possibly fulfill all of my needs. Even though he is my best friend, I still need some gal pals to talk about tampons and chick flicks with. It was totally irrational of me to expect that just because we said ‘I Do” meant we’d never let each other down ever again. God has been teaching me a lot lately about expectations and life, I’m just thankful that I have my hubby to lean on through that…. And the best part? Having someone to do life with. Someone to count on. Even if he does make fart noises with his mouth sometimes.

“I have learned that a good marriage doesn’t just happen, you have to work hard every day to make it work……The best part is I married my best friend. He is always there for me and no matter what I can count on him. He makes life fun, exciting and I get to continue learning to love him more every day.” –Kim G.

“I have learned that marriage is the hardest thing you will ever do but the best decision you will ever make….The best part about being married to my spouse is that every night we get to lay our heads down in the same bed. There is something so comforting and awesome about that. “ Katie L.

“I have learned that I’m not perfect and neither is he. Click To Tweet

“I have learned that I’m not perfect and neither is he, that’s what makes us human and what makes life fun…. The best part, is that I don’t have to tackle that imperfection by myself, I have God’s help and my husbands to handle life together.” –Sarah M.

 

What about you? What have you learned about marriage from being married?

8 Comments

  1. My grandpa always tells us that marriage is not 50/50. It’s 100/100.

  2. I think the last one is the one that I struggled the most with at first. I thought for some reason that when you got married that person was supposed to be the one that always made you happy. Thankfully I later realized that you and only you can control your own personal happiness and it is not anyone else’s responsibility to ensure that,although your spouse can definitely contribute to your happiness. Great post!

    • I try not to be to cheesy, but my spouse definitely completes me and makes me a better person. However, I get to decide what makes me happy and unhappy. He just happens to be one of the things that makes me happy! 🙂 Thanks for stopping by Cara! <3

  3. I’ve learned that it is not my husband’s responsibility to make me happy. That is something I have to work on for myself.
    AND, once you have kids…EVERYTHING changes.

    • Hahah I bet it does. Children are our next adventure. We’ve got to get a handle on this whole marriage thing first.

  4. #3 is a huge one!! I think that is such a huge expectation for a spouse though. I feel I am constantly telling young people at church that they have to communicate their feelings

  5. I love this so much, especially seeing as I’m getting married in September. I think I need to print this out and study it beforehand! haha! Love the reality check.

    Coming Up Roses

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