Talking to God…

Jan 20, 2015 by

Talking to God…

talking to god, prayer, anxiety: www.lovetheeveryday.com

I love reading relationship blogs, especially those that tap into utilizing God’s grace in your day-to-day lives. (Something I’m not particularly good at but I’m working on it.)

I stumbled across this prayer today on the Unveiled Wife. I think I found the original link on Pinterest.

Dear Heavenly Father,
I am so sorry for the way I reacted towards my family. My anxiety was heightened and I snapped. I did not exercise self-control, yelling at the ones I love most. I am embarrassed by my behavior and I am truly sorry. Please mature me Lord. I am in need of more self-control. I realize I am responsible for my actions, for my words and how I say them. I pray that from here on out I would be more careful and restrain myself from snapping, yelling, or sinning in my anger, frustration, or anxiety. I desire to be like Christ, patient, humble, and full of self-control in Jesus name I pray, Amen!

My problem is that this prayer doesn’t even begin to cover the multitude of problems I have when I’m having an anxious moment with my family. I’m not just lacking self-control, I can be downright mean sometimes. Especially when I’m having a day in which I feel overwhelmed. When I do find myself turning to God for guidance and support, I don’t have a quiet moment to ask nicely like this well thought out prayer would indicate… I find myself pleading, begging, sometimes even crying to God, (at God?).

I’m pretty sure that the people who would have time to pray this prayer do not have the anxiety that I have in my life. I don’t have time to ask for guidance and restraint when I’m in the midst of an anxiety ridden moment… even afterwards I don’t always recall everything that happened in order to ask forgiveness for it.

My prayers look more like: “Oh hey God, it’s me….and today sucked. And I was a rotten human being… help me to suck less tomorrow. Amen.”

Are you eloquent in your conversations with God? When I talk to God I hope that he knows my heart, and can understand my jumbled pleas for support in my daily struggles. I can’t put into words like this what I need from God, what my desires are, or how to ask for them.

Even Jesus’s own disciples had trouble with this. In Luke Chapter 11:1 they ask for assistance: “Lord, teach us to pray…” Therein lies my dilemma. I do not believe that in order to pray I need to look like a statue of a saint with my hands folded and head bowed in perfect holiness.

The reality is that I don’t have time for that. Not only that, but in my darkest moments, when I’m snapping at my family and being cranky, I can’t think clearly enough to utter a prayer like the one above.

If I am created in God’s image, he knows this. He desires to be in a relationship with me, he knows me, he made me. I’m fairly certain that he doesn’t want me to stop my life and change my personality to make room for prayer, he wants prayer to be a natural part of my existence, a part of me. I want to be able to pray from my heart, from a natural place, a place where I don’t have to find flowery words or use careful restraint, but instead can just pour my heart out to God because he hears me.

My anxiety sometimes gets the best of me. I will continue to be imperfect and will probably take things out on my family that I shouldn’t…but my conversations with God, in all their imperfections, are fine just the way they are.

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2 Comments

  1. I really enjoyed reading this post….daily I’m reminded at just how imperfect I am in all stations of my life, as a mom, wife, teacher….whatever. At the same time, I feel his presence everyday as he refines me, encourages me, matures me. And I always take heart that in my weakest moments, when I have no words to pray, that I can invoke the Holy Spirit to utter the words I lack!

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