When life is out of your control…

Jan 26, 2015 by

When life is out of your control…

We had a long meeting last week with the head-boss-guy at work. He came down into our building to talk about staff retention.  ie. How to make sure we keep great team members and get rid of staff that’s not so great.  One of the major aspects of his new plan is to begin offering three-year contracts to staff members that are high performers, those who are exceeding standards, who have excellent attitudes and always go above and beyond. I like to think of myself as one of those people.

The contract would allow said amazing staff-person to sign on for a term of three years and thus also receive some job security, and a signing bonus, in exchange for the three year commitment. This all sounds like sunshine and roses until you toss in my anxiety induced panic that ensued after this meeting.

I have a fear of the unknown. I have a fear of the unplanned. I have a fear of not being in total control. So, one would assume that the idea of a contract securely holding my job In place would be just the ticket to offer me three years of calm. Unfortunately, more than all those things, I also have a fear of permanence, of making a bad decisions, and of missing out on an excellent opportunity. So therein lies my dilemma. Aside from all of that, not every staff member will be offered a contract. So if I do not get the offer of a contract does this mean that I am a less than stellar employee? Does it mean I’m not good enough to receive one, or that there simply wasn’t budget enough to offer a contract to every deserving individual? Am I going to lose my mind over this? Yes.

I cannot, at this point in my life, commit to being somewhere for three years anyway. I know this. I know that the possibility of staying in one place for that long is wishful thinking, and I secretly have been hoping for a more lucrative job opportunity to head my way anyhow, but the fact of the matter is, this meeting has sent me into a tailspin of self-doubt and fear, which is leading to a migraine. I am a total mess sometimes over things I know are out of my control and just plain silly to worry about.

The problem is that I know I am not in control and that I should be calming myself down, but the more I think about it, the more I become obsessed with the idea that I am not in control. It is a vicious cycle.

 

I try to remind myself that this is all in God’s hands. That God’s timing will decide when we move, where I work, and what plans I make. All of this I know, but that doesn’t help the feeling that I am overwhelmed.  I should be trying to find a distraction from this cyclic thought process, it’s one of the main ways of coping with the feelings of being overwhelmed, but the problem is that I can’t focus on any one thing long enough to allow myself to get distracted.

So I turn today to God’s word in hopes of finding solace there. Psalms 37:5 reminds me to trust in the Lord and relax in knowing that he will do what is best. I know that although I am not in control, he is. I just have to convince myself that that is ok.

Psalms 37:5  Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He will do it.

 

It is important for me to remind myself that I am a daughter of God. He loves me and wants what is best for me. Knowing that, and reminding myself of that brings me some peace.

I think chocolate cake will help too.

How to cope when feeling overwhelmed:   www.lovetheeverday.com

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